Manny Pacquiao is herding, rounds up "escape goats" to blame for loss to Bradley

by: Michael Marley

Manny Pacquiao is totally overbooked this week.

The demands on his frenzied fight week schedule would be overwhelming for a mere mortal but the Pinoy Idol soldiers on until he swap punches this Saturday night in Las Vegas with feisty and unafraid Tim "Billy Goat" Bradley.

What if, perish the thought, that lightning strikes inside the MGM Grand Garden Arena? What if the American upstart clips the Pinoy Idol and shocks the world including the jaded bookmakers. The tremors of a Bradley victory would rock, rattle and roll Floyd Mayweather's current domicile, the Clark County Jail, only five to six miles away.

(Let me note, before some other smart aleck does, that pundit John "Boxing Truth" Chavez, taking a hiatus from his salty website as he ratchets up a new non-boxing high tech venture, is actually picking Bradley to win. A bold forecast, that.)

With the unimaginable in mind, if not in heart, I've come up with a Personalized Pacman Fight Loss Excuse List, suitable for reading at about 10 pm Vegas time IF...

1. Blame the incessant Pacquiao bible study sessions. Manny took "turn the other cheek" literally...

2. Leg cramps (again) which caused Manny's boxing booties to pinch his toes and cause terrible pain (known in Europe as ToeHayeitis)...

3. If it's leg cramps, then it's Freddie Roach's fault as he badmouthed Alex Ariza, upsetting AA so much that he forgot to give Pacman the massive doses of quinine water designed to forestall the cramping in the lower extremities...

4. It's Juan Manuel Marquez's fault because...well, because the Mexican Ringmaster is always causing Pacquiao problems...that's why...

5. It's Mayweather's fault because...no, wait a minute, he is perfectly blameless chilling like a villain at the local hoosegow...

6. Granville Ampong, he's the culprit because he upset gay rights activists and they flocked to support the openly heterosexual Bradley. Btw, where is Ampong anyway, underneath the ring at the MGM Grand Garden?...

7. Wife Jinkee for hugging up too much on her hubby. Their reinforced marriage is good for the kids and all that but she's turned Manny into a Love Machine and his killer instinct has got up and gone. Turn the other cheek, Jinkee, you're blushing...

8. Did I mention the leg cramps? The oldtimers used to swear that lovemaking damages a fighter's wheels. Of course, the oldtimers had boxers running in combat boots and eating steak three times a day also....

9. The Wild Rabbit. Evidently misinformed, senitive guy Bradley heard Pacman babbling about "his wild rabbit" in those Hennessy cognac commercials and thought the reference was to him, that Pacman was trying to say he's the hound and Bradley the hare. Hare or no hare, Bradley still takes home five million carrots, likely more...

10. If all else fails, if no true "escape goat" (some dazzling Interet sports scribbler actually used that phrase the other day) can be found, then I say pin the tail on the Tijuana bad ass donkey named Antonio Margarito....